There are times in everyone's life when someone perceives that you have done something wrong and then accuses you of it even though you have done nothing wrong. It is often brought about by jealousy, as it was when it happened to Jesus. As Jesus stood on trial before Pilate, the chief Priests and elders brought up accusation after accusation against him. Jesus chose not to respond to any of them. He made no reply – not even to a single charge. (See also 1 Peter 2 v 22 – 23). If anyone deserved to be defended, it was the sinless Son of God, but he let his accusers have free reign.
It is only natural to want to defend ourselves when we are falsely accused (or for that matter when we are accused at all, even for something we have done). But to follow the example of Jesus we must refrain from that urge, just as he did and then we can leave it to God to be the judge. God knows best and he knows all our actions and motives and those of our accusers. James says that "It is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God ... If you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God."(1 Peter 2 v 19 – 21), and, "Even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed." (1 Peter 3 v 14).
So next time let us follow the example of Christ more closely.
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Does He Love Me?
However, each one of you (men) must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 5 v 33
"Does he still love me?"
"Does she still care about me?"
"He never brings me gifts any more, I wonder if he still thinks about me?"
"She spends all day with the kids and doesn't seem to care that I need time too."
The good news is that most husbands and wives actually do love each other deeply, and if your spouse had the chance to marry you all over again, they would.
In some of her research on marriage, Sahunti Fieldhan found that 97% of couples she surveyed said that they cared deeply about their spouse and want the best for them even during painful times. You spouse will most likely be one of those that cares deeply for you and wants the best for you. Sometimes we might doubt that they love us, but we can take assurance that they are probably in the 97% that actually do.
It's good to know that they care, but how can we feel more loved by them? And how can we help our partner feel more loved by us?
Maybe it's time for a chat. Start with something like this: "I love you deeply and I want to make sure you know it. What can I do to help you know that I love you? Another question you could ask afterward is, "Is there anything I do that makes you feel disrespected or unloved by me?" If you both ask these questions and act on what you learn, a good marriage can become great!
Periodically Sharon and I will ask each other these questions to make sure the way we express love is the way we each receive love best. You may express love by bringing flowers, but she may feel much more loved if you gave her a hug. Or you might lovingly tell him that he's awesome, but what he might need is for you to make his lunch for work, and that will press his love buttons.
As couples we do love and care for each other. Let's make sure that our love is understood as love by our husband or wife.
1. Ask each other:
- What can I do to help you know that I love you?
- Is there anything I do that makes you feel disrespected or unloved by me?
2. Read The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman.