This week’s Marriage Moment

MEN IN MARRIAGE

I heard on the radio yesterday that most marriage breakups are initiated by women. This was certainly the case with Hosea’s marriage. Hosea’s wife, Gomer, left Hosea as she chased after other men. Most of us in the same situation would consider the marriage over, but God gave different instructions to the man Hosea.

The LORD said to Hosea, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another man and is an adulteress.” (Hosea 3 v 1).

As we continue reading, we discover that Hosea did what the LORD asked of him. “So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and about a homer and a lethek of barley. Then I told her, ‘You are to live with me for many days; you must not be a prostitute or be intimate with any man, and I will behave the same way toward you.’” (v 2 – 3).

It may be the case that more women initiate marriage breakups, but it is our responsibility as men to do everything we can to bring those marriages back together. It will never be an easy job, but God has given us men the determination, will power and competitiveness we need to bring new life into a failing or even a failed marriage. It is our responsibility to do our best with God’s help.

God said in Malachi, “I hate divorce,” (Malachi 2 v 16 (GNB). As men we need to do all that is in our power to prevent or reverse the separation and divorce that happens in too  many marriages.

Let’s not break faith with our wives by giving up when the going gets tough. Instead, let’s stand up like men and please God by doing all that is in our power to hold our marriages together in love.

Day by Day

David said, “Increase the days of the king’s life, his years for many generations. May he be enthroned in God’s presence forever; appoint your love and faithfulness to protect him. Then I will ever sing praise to your name and fulfill my vows day after day.” (Psalm 61 v 6 – 8).

I can imagine standing at a wedding and hearing almost exactly the same things said during the wedding service as the words that David wrote in his psalm. Lets read those words again in a marriage context:

“May this couple’s days be increased and may they have many happy years together for many generations. May they be enthroned in God’s presence forever; appoint your love and faithfulness to protect them. Then they will ever sing praise to your name and fulfill their vows day after day.”

I must admit, having been married for well over thirty years, I haven’t given much thought to my wedding vows over the years. Sharon and I might look at them every ten years or so and maybe think about them a little bit more than that – especially if we are preparing another couple for marriage, but unlike David, my wedding vows haven’t been in my daily thoughts. David said he would fulfill his vows day after day.

I have been thinking about that. How much better could my relationship with Sharon be if I had purposefully done something every day to affirm my love to her or to help her draw near to God? What if I had woken up each morning and asked myself, “How can I bless my wife today?” If both of us had followed through on that action day after day, our love could be greater and stronger than it is already.

So this is something I am going to try to do from now on. In order to fulfill my vows day after day, I am going to try and do something to bless my wife, to grow our marriage, or to help us both grow closer to God each day. And I wonder, would doing the same give your marriage a boost too?

Action Points

• Review your marriage vows together.
• Ask yourself, “How can I do something to bless my spouse today?”
• Put those great ideas into action.

Proverbs 12
AN EXCELLENT MARRIAGE

“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.” (Proverbs 12 v 4 ESV).

Marriage seems to go one of two ways. It can either be the best thing ever, or the biggest mistake we ever made. And yet, when we got married, we had no doubts that this was the right thing to do and the right person for us.

The difference between a great marriage and one that feels like rottenness in the bones is how much we work on it. Relationships don’t just ‘happen.’ Take the example of a room in your house. It might have started out with fresh paint, new furniture and very tidy, but it takes a lot of work to keep it looking brand new. A marriage relationship takes the same sort of work.

And it’s not just the wife who takes all the responsibility. A good husband can grow a beautiful and crowning wife, but a husband who takes her for granted (or worse), will end up with a relationship that grows apart.

So let’s work together, husbands and wives, to keep love fresh, alive and vibrant, so that our marriages can be known as one whose wife is excellent and a crown of glory to her husband.

Does He Love Me?

However, each one of you (men) must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 5 v 33

“Does he still love me?”
“Does she still care about me?”
“He never brings me gifts any more, I wonder if he still thinks about me?”
“She spends all day with the kids and doesn’t seem to care that I need time too.”

The good news is that most husbands and wives actually do love each other deeply, and if your spouse had the chance to marry you all over again, they would.

In some of her research on marriage, Sahunti Fieldhan found that 97% of couples she surveyed said that they cared deeply about their spouse and want the best for them even during painful times. You spouse will most likely be one of those that cares deeply for you and wants the best for you. Sometimes we might doubt that they love us, but we can take assurance that they are probably in the 97% that actually do.

It’s good to know that they care, but how can we feel more loved by them? And how can we help our partner feel more loved by us?
Maybe it’s time for a chat. Start with something like this: “I love you deeply and I want to make sure you know it. What can I do to help you know that I love you? Another question you could ask afterward is, “Is there anything I do that makes you feel disrespected or unloved by me?” If you both ask these questions and act on what you learn, a good marriage can become great!

Periodically Sharon and I will ask each other these questions to make sure the way we express love is the way we each receive love best. You may express love by bringing flowers, but she may feel much more loved if you gave her a hug. Or you might lovingly tell him that he’s awesome, but what he might need is for you to make his lunch for work, and that will press his love buttons.

As couples we do love and care for each other. Let’s make sure that our love is understood as love by our husband or wife.

Action Points

1. Ask each other:
– What can I do to help you know that I love you?
– Is there anything I do that makes you feel disrespected or unloved by me?
2. Read The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman.